~ 29 August, 1888 I have a mass of ideas for my work, and by continuing the figure very assiduously, I’d possibly find something new. But what can you do, sometimes I feel too weak in the face of the given circumstances, and I’d have to be wiser and richer and younger to win the fight. Fortunately for me, I no longer count at all on any victory, and in painting I look for nothing more than the means of getting by in life.
I quoted this paragraph in my thesis, before the Acknowledgement section.
Supervisor called it out, “interesting”.
I am aware how depressed I sound, in those two pages back to back. So I replied to him, explaining,
“Vincent van Gogh is one of my favourite artists! The paragraph I quoted there was what encouraged me to pursue maths rather than graduating to be a teacher (against my parents’ will, which subsequently led to a rapture in my relationship with my them…). It is also what I always turned to in the past nearly-a-decade whenever I needed some consolation… So I figured I should also give this quote some credit :)”
He replied then to say, it was interesting and touching, “I am sorry that this has led to tensions with your parents; but I would hope they are super proud as they should be now that you are a Dr”.
I decided to spare him from more of my trauma bond, deleted the line “I don’t quite care what they think of me and they don’t quite care what I do these days” and just thanked him and told him I would keep working on the checks and edits.